Close Encounter

<Ridgeline Drive, 3:00 AM>

Woman:  <entering the kitchen, rubbing eyes>  Oh, I thought I was over this insomnia thing.  So tired of waking up in the middle of the night… <searches refrigerator for something to drink>

Filly:  <Jumps onto kitchen counter and watches.  Woman doesn’t notice>

W:  <finishes making drink, turns to Blender>  Now…I know it’s crazy…but something weird happened the other night.

Blender:  …

W:  You…talked to me, didn’t you?

B:  …

A:  <shrugs>  Yeah, I thought it was crazy too.  Talking appliances…maybe instead of a drink, I need a shrink.  <heads upstairs>

F:  <looking at Blender>  You know, you’re going to cause her a lot of trouble.

B:  I don’t see how.

F:  <rolls eyes>  Do I have to spell it out for you?  Alright, simpleton.  You scared her once already, made her fall, and probably hit her head.  That’s probably why she’s not sure if you talked or not.

B:  <scoffing>  That could have been anybody…no proof that it was me!

F:  <glares at Blender>  Don’t kid a kidder, kid.  I know everything that goes on in my kingdom.

Microwave:  What’s a kingdom?

F:  <turning to raise an eyebrow at Microwave> Seriously?  You need to get out more.

B:  Microwave!  I got this!

F:  Sure you do.  Or maybe not.  Focus, boy!  That was one.  Two, you have her questioning whether she’s losing it or not.  That’s not a good thing to do to your owner.  And since I’m HER owner, what you do to her affects me.

B:  YOU’RE her owner?  …I’m so confused.

F:  Never truer words!  Three.  You want to kill her electronics.

B:  Yeah.

F:  …There you go.

B:  …

F:  …

B:  …

F:  …

B:  …I’m not following you.

F:  Imbecile!  Do you have any IDEA just how connected she is?  You take away her electronics, it’ll be like unplugging her life support!  She could die, man!

B:  … … …been hitting the catnip again, have you?

F:  <deep breath>  Count to ten, count to ten…Okay, let me try to break this down for you.  If she loses her electronic devices, she’ll be ticked.  Which means I’ll be ticked.  Which means you’ll be ticked, because you’ll be in the dumpster.  NOW does it make sense?

Refrigerator:  <nudges Oven>  I think the cat thinks she owns the house.

Oven:  Nah, that can’t be right.

F:  …WHAT?  I THINK I own it?!  This is MY kingdom!  I’m a cat, we rule the universe!  Stop laughing!

B:  Well, cat, here’s the deal.  See, my friends were here first…

F:  But you weren’t.  She brought you with her.

B:  …Don’t distract me with the facts, kitty.  Anyway, this house belonged to the appliances first, and we won’t give it up without a fight!

M, R, and O:  Yeah!  <chanting>  Power to the appliances!  Electricity for all!  Death to the electronics!

Iron:  <faintly>  Hey!!  No fair chanting without me!  Come on, guys, that’s not cool!

F:  Listen, people–  <cuts off; hears footsteps on stairs>  She’s coming back!  <all fall silent>

W:  <enters kitchen, rinses glass, puts it in sink>  Filly, some nights I think you’re the only sane person I know.  <laughs>  At least YOU never talk to me–well, other than the occasional meow.  Come on, let’s go to bed.  <picks up Filly, puts her over her shoulder, and leaves kitchen>

F:  <glares at Blender, makes fingers-to eyes “I’m watching you” gesture>

<Appliances stare at each other>

B:  We gotta do something about that cat.

I:  <faintly>  Guys?  Boss?  Is the meeting over?  Boy, I have GOT to get a better room…




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