<at Panera Bread, the Woman leaves the table to place an order>
Laptop: Cell Phone, I’m so glad you agreed to come here with me today!
Cell Phone: <aside> Like I really had a choice…
L: What was that?
C: Nothing! <big fake smile> I’m so happy to be here!
L: Awesome! Hey, Ipad didn’t know…what does “oblivious to sarcasm” mean?
C: Okay, we need a new writer. This one has used that joke twice now. Anyway, I do like this place even if I have to be here with you.
L: …I’m getting the impression you might not really mean that…
C: Oh, don’t worry about it. So, what did you have in mind?
L: Well, she wanted to work on an article, but I have a better idea…
C: …Oh no. Not “Angry Birds” again?!
L: No! <chuckles nerously> I’d NEVER waste your time with…with…okay, yeah, it was “Angry Birds”. <sigh>
C: Boy, Laptop, you really know how to treat a girl right,..
L: Well, I was going to let you run the game.
C: Oh, please! You just want me to show you my screen! Like THAT’S going to happen! And in public!
L: Well, yeah, but, baby, you get such better resolution!
C: Ugh…men are all alike. Dell gave you a processor and a memory stick, but only enough RAM to run one at a time.
L: Now, wait a minute here–
C: Hush! She’s coming! <both fall silent as the Woman returns to the table>
Woman: <noticing screens going dark> Now that’s strange…did somebody wake up my computer? Huh. Oh well, no harm done. <sits down, begins to work and eat at the same time>
<later, Woman gets up to refill drink and order dessert>
L: Okay, let’s see if we can get along for a while. So…tell me about yourself.
C: Laptop, we live in the same house. We spend our evenings hanging out on the same kitchen table. What could you possibly still not know about me?
L: I don’t know…tell me about your work.
C: Work? Hmm…alright, I guess. Well, I work in information management, same as you and Ipad.
L: Mm-hmm…but it’s not the same, really. I mean, we work from home, usually. You travel a lot for your job, though.
C: I guess I do. I never really thought much about it. But yeah, I do a lot of work on trains and buses, and…oh, yeah, in the car. You know, I hear it’s actually illegal in some places to do that in the car! Can you imagine?
L: I’ve heard about that. Yes, I read the news every now and then, try not to faint.
C: Well, I don’t see the big deal. All I do is pass messages.
C: And…<sigh; murmurs> play “Cut the Rope”.
L: HA! I KNEW it! And you lecture ME for “Angry Birds”!
C: Well…Well…but–“Angry Birds” is a really big program for me! I only have so much internal storage space, I can’t handle too many big ones.
L: <breaking the fourth wall again> And that one was also sexual, folks!
C: <hiding a grin> Smart aleck.
L: Well, your job could be worse, you know. You could have to work with Ipad and Printer all day.
C: Hey, what’s wrong with that? They seem so nice. And Printer is a girl, you should be nice to her.
L: You know, I’m still not convinced of that!
C: What? Why not?
L: Well, she’s just so…so…pushy. That’s not really a girl thing, I think.
C; Hoo, boy, break out the 56k modems, we’re back in the Stone Age, boys! Look, you misogynistic twerp–
L: Ah, ah, I thought we were going to try to be nice to each other!
C: Whatever. First of all, she is NOT pushy, and second, YOU just have a problem with confident women!
L: I do not!
C: <on a roll now> Well, I’M confident! And just remember, that woman we live with–SHE’S as confident as they get! What do you have to say to that?
L: … … …you’re cute when you’re angry?
C: Oh, you are so—yes, yes, actually, I am. Thank you! 🙂
L: <pauses, mustering up courage> Cell Phone, I…really like you. I hope we can get together again sometime.
C: Besides living in the same house already? <giggles, then gets serious> Laptop, it just won’t work. I’m sorry.
L: What? Why?!
C: It’s not you, it’s me…
L: Oh, no, you don’t get to just wiggle away with that old line. What do you mean?
C: <sigh> alright. You could have made it easier for me, but…okay. <takes deep breath> We’re just…not compatible.
L: I don’t understand.
C: It’s our operating systems, Laptop. You’re Windows, and I’m Android. It could never work. We’re just too different! I’m so sorry.
L: <sees the Woman returning> Oh, here she comes. Well, can we at least talk about it some more later?
C: I suppose…but don’t get your hopes up too high. <both shut down as the Woman approaches; she sees screens blank out>
W: Now, I KNOW someone must be messing with me. Maybe I shouldn’t leave my stuff at the table when I get up.
Meanwhile, at home in the kitchen:
Blender: I say we strike while we have the advantage!
Refrigerator: Ummm…what advantage is that?
Microwave: <punches refrigerator> The height advantage, dummy. You!
R: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
M: Moron. So when did you have in mind?
B: I don’t know…depends on the circumstances. Possibly as early as tonight.
Oven: Well, strike while the iron is hot, they say!
Iron: <from laundry room, muffled> Hey! I heard that!
B: <Ignoring Iron> That’s right! One thing I know: This house isn’t big enough for all of us! And we were here first! Those electronics must go!
Filly: <sitting on top of Refrigerator, cleaning her paws> You boys know this won’t work, right?
B: And why not?
F: <yawning, stretching> Because…you’re all stationary. None of you have legs. Obviously.
All Appliances: <simultaneously> Dang.
B: Okay, BACK to the drawing board…<sigh>
TO BE CONTINUED….